• Putt Toxey

How the heck did I end up in this relationship...

Updated: Jun 25, 2019

How can you tell that you are in a one-sided relationship?



What are the signs that you are in a one-sided relationship? Do you find yourself always giving in to your partner and its never reciprocated? Do you find yourself performing unmerited acts of kindness to realized they go unappreciated? If so, you're probably in a one-sided relationship. In this particular kind of relationship, one person gives a minimum of 75% and the other person only gives a maximum of 25% or nothing at all. When both parties should bring 100% of themselves to make it work.


To be in a one-sided relationship is very stressful there is usually a person that is considered a giver and of course the other has to be a taker. The giver is the person who is always willing to make time, offering gifts extending a helping hand with the taker's personal, financial and family problems. If the giver is not happy and uncomfortable with the way he/ she is being treated that become a problem if it's brought to the taker attention the taker will then start an argument or sometimes a physical fight. That is a red flag to look out for especially if that happens in the beginning stages of the relationship. In 2010 and up 80/20 has been the new 50/50 for relationships. Respect has left the building!


Here is a sure sign you are in a one-sided relationship whenever your significant other make plans for a date night you comply even if it is something that doesn't interest you. However, if the roles were reverse every time it is your turn to plan the evening they wind up canceling because he or she is never interested in whatever you want to do. Just remember only because you allow it to happen to you.


Here is a few stories of a one-sided relationship.


Now for the first story; A friend of mine let's call her Karen dated a guy name Tony who likes to smokes and drinks he often invites her to come to an after hour spot (SpeakEasy) with him where he likes to hang at. He knew Karen didn’t partake in smoking or drinking but to please Tony she would tag along. Karen was extremely uncomfortable with the vibes of the place, the location the type of people that were hanging there. So to make Tony happy Karen would always make the best of it waiting for the night to be over while never complaining plus she kept a smile on her face.



Now it was her time to plan date night Karen just wanted something simple going to the movies maybe afterwards get a bite to eat. The day came for them to go to the movies (mind you Tony picked out the movie he wanted to see) Tony decided that he no longer wanted to go, she ended up going by herself. That evening instead of spending two hours with her making Karen happy, Tony ended up going to a sports bar with his friends to watch a game. He could have easily gone earlier with her and still made it back in time to watch the game.




Here is the second story of a one-sided relationship, I have another friend let's call her Jill who has dated a guy let's call him Eric. Eric who rarely came to her house, she always made the effort to meet him if they were going to spend time together. At the beginning of the relationship, Jill didn't mind going over his place since she had small children and bringing random men or women home is no way children should be introduced to a new friend. Well now a year has gone by Eric has met the children and hung out with the family plenty of times yet he still never visit her at her house. The reason he would uses is because of her children it doesn't look right with him visiting her. Jill reply "so why is it ok for me to visit you and you yourself have children of your own that I see at your home when I visit on weekends". He didn’t have a answer other than he feels it better for her to visit him. Her place is clean and 3 times larger than his it would make more sense to bring his children over for a play date. Her children are well behaved and around the same age as his. They dated for a couple more years until she got tired of Eric excuses.


Here is the third and last story. I have a friend, let’s call him Lester, who has been dating a woman named Rene for 7 years. During their entire relationship, Rene has not worked. Lester has moved Rene and her whole family into his house and been taking care of Rene's four kids, along with her mother for 6 of the 7 years. He alone pays the rent, utilities, and buys the groceries. She finally started working and told Lester her money is for her and her children. So she still does not help with the bills.The sad part is all Lester wants to take the family on a nice vacation because she does not want to fly or get on a ship they remain local. So, no Vegas, Jamaica, Paris, New Orleans, Disney world not even a cruise. The furthest they have gone is the Poconos because its within driving distance. So the only places they get to vacation is at Atlantic City N.J, Ocean City M.D and whichever places Rene likes within driving distance. When they do go Lester pays for everything even thought she plans the vacation she wants to do. What makes this worst is Lester always dreamed about going to the Bahamas and Rene said he can't go if she is not going and she is not getting on any plane. They are still together and she has yet to paid a bill in the house plus he has still never been to the Bahamas.


It can happen with anyone in your life

The one-sided relationship can also exist between family members and friends as well not just couples. Generally, in a one-sided relationship, one individual is reaping the benefits at the expense of the other person. If you find yourself always supporting that person you’re in a relationship with and not receiving the same support in return. You are probably involved in a one-sided relationship don’t put more into the relationship than you are getting out. Remember the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Once you treat the taker in the relationship how they treat you, they will begin to see the error of their ways. Hopefully, it will lead to a change for the better, if not get out of that relationship. You may need to put some distance between you two no matter who it is.


Here is the good news


You can always turns things around if the other person is willing to meet you half way. Open the lines of communication talk to each other and really pay attention to your other half's needs and wants. Nothing happens over night as long as you plant a good seed you will be rewarded with something wonderful. If you are the taker and don't want to lose the person you are with start giving back. If you are giver and want to feel appreciated ask or make demands for what you need to become happy. Just remember at one point both of you were happy to be with each other you just need to find that place again. No Relationship is easy to maintain so imagine not being on the same page. Everything in the universal has an equal balance so find your equal counterpart.


If you or anyone you know ever been in a relationship like this we would love to hear what happen and did it get better or worst? please leave a comment below.


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Today's blog Stories by MiMi written by Putt Toxey

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