When I say let someone define you, I am talking about men other females, parents, in-laws, anyone successful people, even your children, it does not matter who it is. The problem is a lot of women feel like they must meet a certain standard that other people placed on them, that is far from the truth. Instead of seeking someone else’s approval, a woman should be more focused on what makes her happy. They are trying to be the best mother, the best wife, the best sister, the best friend, and all this time not being the best version of themselves. Plus, half of the time the respect towards these people is not being reciprocated. A woman is often judged on her looks, clothes, even who she decides to date. If the girlfriends or family members do not approve of the guy 9 times out of 10, they will break up or have a really rocky relationship.
Even at the job, they are looking for the approval of the boss especially if it is a male boss. At the job, they work harder just to prove to someone else that they can be just as good, when in fact, you are equally as good because you got hired for the same job. Only to realize you are not going to please everyone. The woman even feels pressured when it is time to start a family, will it hurt their career? Would they be a bad mom if they focus more on their career? Man, never have to make these decisions when their wife or girlfriend gets pregnant everyone at the office cheers. I think that is the difference between women and men; men do not care who likes him half the time. The only person you should be competing with is yourself. The only one that has the right to judge you, is yourself. The only one that you can let down is yourself. Do you see where I am going with this? So, the next time you hear someone giving you some great advice about what you should do ask them what they are doing to better themselves.
The victim role is a role that too many people act like they are unfamiliar with. This is when a person feels like someone else is holding them back when in fact is, they themselves is the problem. Now you see this more common with women than men. I hate to say this, and I know a lot of women will get offended after I make this statement, but I feel it needs to be said. When I hear people say the woman pay was unequal to men, there was a time in history this was true. In 2021 women have a voice, they have the power to change everything. Instead of working for a company, they feel disrespects a women’s worth by paying them less, find a company that will appreciate your talent. A place where you will get paid according to your skills and not your gender. So many women started their own businesses and became millionaires even billionaires. When they hire other women what are they paying them compared to their male counterparts? We live in a time that if you are not happy with your situation you change it. Just like when a woman is in a horrible, abusive relationship they got so many reasons to stay when they have one main reason to leave; “You Are No Longer Happy”. Nobody said it is going to be easy, but this is what needs to happen if you want to enjoy your life. Oftentimes they blame the abuser but then when you look at it how many times did he abuse that person at what point in your life do you say enough is enough? What steps did you go to stop them from abusing you, did you go to the police? The first time they hit you; you did not want them to get in trouble so you did not report it! How does that sound out loud? Did you tell your family, no because you do not want them in your business until they are visiting you at the hospital? By not saying anything you might be hurting your chances to get help. Another victim role is when you always feel like other people are hating on you. First off if you feel someone is hating on you why are they around? How long ago did you notice? You must learn to take control of yourself remember self-esteem is just that; self. You have women that get attacked on the street and end up too scared to go outside, then you have other women that get attacked on the street, that go get some training to defend themselves which one you think is playing the victim. Who do you want to be?
There are a few things I am talking about when I say make better decisions, I want to address just three today. The first one is making better decisions on who you choose to have a baby with. A lot of times women are having babies with men just because. I guess in the heat of passion or in the lust stage when the guy swept her off her feet. At the beginning of a relationship which they call the honeymoon stage. The man is wining and dining her. He makes sure to put his best foot forward so she will fall in love with him. He could really be into her or he could want her head over heelsso she won't leave him. The woman feels with this display of affection he is a great man, and he would be an even better father. The problem is she has not been around the guy long enough to really know him. They have not met all the family, he will only bring them around the ones that he still talks to. She should wait until the reunion where everyone comes out and then she will really find out how the family feels about him. She probably never seen him interact with small children how would she know what kind of parent he would make? She then decides to lay down and have a baby with a person for a long-term commitment of at least 18 years or longer. There should be a process or checklist when you decide on who you want to have a child with. Now you have the child, and the woman is walking around bitter and mad at the choices she made. Blaming him, his family for not warning her, and everyone else she could point a finger at for what is happening. Just think if the guy is not keeping you happy before you got pregnant what makes you think he is going to keep you happy after you have his baby? I know a lot of people going to say well he changed he was not always like that, but you got to ask yourself really; was he really someone different, or did you want him to be someone different? Did you expect that he would turn out different after a child? You might feel he would become a more stable person and step up to fatherhood. As you can see that is not always the case. When you having a child just take your time vet the person and you will be fine and if by chance, he does turn out not to live up to his expectations or your expectation then you can say it was him, but be prepared to raise a child by yourself. So you have asked yourself can I raise this child by myself and if the answer is yes by all means have the child. If the answer is no or I am not sure. I think that you should take a little time and think about the decision you are making.
The next thing you should make a better decision on is who you keep around you. Who is going to be in your circle? The people that you keep around you are especially important in your health and well-being they can either motivate you or drain you. Depending on who it is, a lot has to do with self-esteem and the other half has to do with the company you keep. If you keep negative people around, 9 times out of10 you will end up becoming a negative person yourself. No one set out to be but this type of behavior is all you will be around. Another saying is birds of a feather flock together. So when you're going out with a certain group of female friends and there's always get in some drama at the end of the night that goes to show that these might not be the group of girls you want to keep around. If you never getting the support you looking for when you have a certain group of people around you chances are you need to change the circle. This dates back to public school for most, you start your first foundation of friends with the people that you come up with from school, and then you pick up more friends when you go into the workforce so the people that you pick up and surround yourself with ultimately reflects you. So, make sure you pick the motivators, positive, idealist, innovators for your circle, they were called nerds when I was growing up.
The last thing I want to talk about with making better decisions is with kids. When your kids are young, they are very influential. So, when you are teaching them, you must be the best version of yourself to make the best version of your children. This to say if you were drinking, smoking, and partying in front of your kids that is what they are going to pick up. It is hard for you to tell your kids to go study or read while you are watching TV all day. How you going to tell them not to curse or swear and you talking to them, cursing all day around them. Now as far as traveling. Your children won't leave the nest if you never took them anywhere. If your kids want to know what it is like to get on a plane or a ship what will you tell them, ask a friend or read a book on it? The point I am making is not to just teach the kids, start to lead the kids.
One of the biggest problems that I came across with dealing with a successful businesswoman was her ability to be open-minded and accept help. I mean she is doing well in life, but she agrees she can always do a little bit better. Men are not perfect either the word we refer to men when this happens is called a big ego. Basically, I am not saying that it is only a characteristic that women have. It seems like men would take advice from men in high power and women who are very educated in their field, women are very selected and skeptical who they take advice from. To some women, it is more like they are in competition with other women, and they need to achieve everything on their own. On the outside, they seem to be friendly and kind to each other but on the inside, they come off extremely competitive. If one day, they start thinking logically instead of emotionally they would take over the business world. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness it is a way to tell the world that you have room to grow. When they can accept constructive criticism, the women would become an unstoppable force in my opinion. The person that knows it all knows nothing at all. I love to see when women are striving to the top, I just hate to see when they get stuck because they will not ask for help. When they do get there, the feeling is they had to do it all by themselves and no one was there to help. Imagine if they would have got help. How much faster they would have made it or bigger. No matter who you are in this world you have received help either directly or indirectly to get where you are today. That goes equally for messing your life up, as well as fixing your life. 2022 I would love to see more women come together and instead of building a multitude of businesses build one huge company that will change the world for generations.